So it has been almost a year since the desaster that was Eton. Ever since then I have wanted to write them a letter telling them off. I hadn't yet for several reasons. 1. I wanted info to back up the things I knew to be true. I wanted to see the child psychologist, I wanted to get Belle into a new school and see how she did. 2. I also needed time to reflect. Not to much time that I forget anything, but enough time that I had the hindsight is 20/20 factor on my side. 3. I also needed to emotionally get away from it because it upset me so and I didn't want to just sound like some pissed off mommy with a grudge. I wanted to sound logical and mature.
But I felt now was the time to do it. And it was something I had to do. I'm not niave enough to think it will mean a darn thing to them but I still had to do it. I did it for four reasons; 1. The most important one of all is they hurt my child and that is not something I just let go. 2. I want Belle to know years from now that her mom and dad are on her side and will always defend her. 3. Even if Eton crumples up the letter and tosses it away they need to hear it. They need to know that they messed up. 4. And lastly, heck... what if on the off chance they do take something in it to heart? If there is even a slight chance I could help another kid avoid this then it is my duty to write them a letter.
So, I mailed the letter and 3 days later got your typical B.S. response letter. Hey I'm amazed they bothered.
Anyway, here are the leters. First mine and then Eton's response.
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Dear Ms. Goetz and Dr. Feltin,
I’m writing you in regards to our experience with your school nearly a year ago (back in August of 2007). My daughter, Belladonna Hardman, was accepted into your program and attended the summer school course. However, as you may remember, you expelled her from the Pre-K program because, in your words, her behavior showed she was not ready for it. You stated her behavior as being “mean spirited” and even agreed that I should talk to a child psychologist about her.
At the time I was dazed and shocked by the entire events even though in my gut I knew this was not right.
I’m writing to tell you of what we found after leaving Eton. The first thing I did was meet with a psychologist. I spoke with her first alone, and then did a few sessions with Belle. I did not hold anything back and told her word for word what her teacher at Eton and what you had said Belle had done. She saw for her self some of the behavior and it was her professional opinion that Belle was not mean spirited and neither were her actions. She also agreed with me that she was indeed ready for school, but that the bad behavior we were seeing was Belle’s form of separation anxiety. She said the worst possible thing that could have been done was to remove her from school. But she did agree that if the school we were taking her too would not work with me to help Belle then obviously it was not the school to go too.
I sought out another school and found a wonderful one. Belle started attending there within a week of leaving Eton. I spoke with the Director there and with Belle’s new teach. I told them everything that had happened at Eton, not holding anything back or watering it down. I was excepting the same look of dismay I saw on the faces at Eton but instead they did not flinch and looked at me as if to say “Is that it?” They agreed that it sounded to them like Belle needed help learning how to be in a classroom and away from those she trusted (myself and her father and grandmother).
They let me start Belle off only 2 half days a week and let me stay in the classroom with her, but sitting well out of the way. At first it was rough for Belle but within 2 weeks of this she improved greatly! We then added a 3rd half day. Shortly after that, instead of staying in the class, I went down and stayed in the office. I let Belle know I was there if she needed me. Within a week of this I was able to leave her there for the half days. Within 4 weeks she was staying 5 half days, and by the end of the second month she was staying full time with NO behavior problems. She even stayed through rest time which is 2 hours there, with no trouble. She made friends instantly, is one of the brightest in her class according to her teachers, does not cry or have a fit at all when I leave, and is kind and compassionate to her teachers and friends. In other words she acts at school how she always did at home.
I’m writing to tell you this, for two reasons. One, as a mother I felt the need to defend my child from the wrongness she experienced at your school. Not out of anger but simply defense of what is right. She still mentions Eton and talks about how it made her feel and it pains me every time I hear it. I’ve not put any words in her mouth about Eton, but the fact is she sees the difference in how she was treated at Eton compared to her school now and being a smart child she can tell the difference.
The second reason I am writing is out of a sense of responsibility to other children who attend your school. We chose Eton originally because of your reputation. Your mission statement says “The WHOLE child” and that you focus not only on academics but on social and emotional learning as well. Yet this was not the case when put to the test. Belle is smart and would have had no trouble with the academics. Where she needed your help was in the social aspect. And as you can see from how quickly she adapted given a little help, it would not have taken much. But Eton was not willing to work with her.
So my hope in writing you is that you will see this flaw in your system and do something to correct it. That the next child who comes your way that needs help learning to be in a classroom is not asked to leave, but rather embraced. YOU chose to accept Belle for a reason… I believe it is because you saw how bright she is. But you were not willing to make that little effort to help her in the one area she needed your help the most. Please, the next child you see like her do not treat him or her this way. Exhaust EVERY avenue you can before eliminating them from your program.
I believe Eton earned its reputation for a reason. I do believe your school has many good points. But I also believe that my initial feeling was correct… you have a high demand for your school so it is easier to expel those who don’t instantly fit in and go to the next name on the list, than it is to spend a moment helping a child TRULY learn.
I do not expect to hear back from you on this, and don’t even need too. My only hope is that you read this with an open mind. As for Belle, she is very happy in her new school and we are thrilled with her progress. It all worked out for the best for us. She learned how to be a student, I learned how to go with my gut instinct and how to help my child through a tough time. Now it is my hope that Eton too learns something from this.
Sincerely,
Jerusha Hardman
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Dear Jerusha,
Thank you for letting us know how Belle is doing and that she has settled in nicely to her new school. It sounds like she has made good progress this past year and is comfortable in her new learning environment. You must be thrilled that she is happy and thriving at her school.
We appreciate that you took the time to share your comments and concerns about her limited time at Eton School. We will keep them in mind as we welcome our new students for the upcoming school year. Transitioning to a new school can be very difficult for some children and we regret that we were not more successful serving Belle's needs.
Regards,
Cherie Goetz, Admissions
Eton School
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So there it is. As Brad and my mom said it sounds very form letterish. But as I said before... I didn't really write it for them, I wrote it for Belle, Brad and I and all who love Belle and were upset with how Eton treated her. ... and by the way... my first draft to them wasn't so nice. It was more along the lines of; "You guys suck sour frog ass!" So I think I came a long way! :)
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